So there is this thing…

I am sure that you all have a thing.  An object.  A something or other.  That if you had, would make your home/office/car/life more easy/happy/complete.  You know that this thing exists.  Maybe you have seen one before.  Maybe you know someone who possesses such a thing.  But you don’t.  You search high and low for this thing, but you just can’t find one.  Know the feeling that I am talking about?

My thing? There is one thing that I crave that is so simple, yet so incredibly frustrating to find.  And you will probably laugh at me, but seriously – I cannot, for the life of me, find a clear, glass butter dish with a handle.  Can. Not.  I have been to every kitchen store within a 20 mile radius to no avail.  It has become a goal, a competition almost, between my husband and I:  Who can find a clear, glass butter dish with a handle first.  We find every combination of the object but the one I want.

It is totally silly, I know.  But in a way, it is a relief to be able to put my efforts into searching for something tangible.  In my line of work, there are a lot of things that I yearn for daily.  There are things that I desire so deeply for the women I work with.  There are things that I wish I could give them, teach them, take from them, fix for them.  But I can’t.  And I know this.  But it doesn’t take the desire away.  I am always searching for the best way to give them what they need most.  And I know that one of the deepest desires of the women I serve is not for any one particular thing, but for acceptance.   Something so intangible.  Yet so simple.  I can give them my acceptance, but it isn’t enough. I want to give them the acceptance of our community, our city, our country.  But as hard as I search, as hard as I try, that is just something I cannot do alone.

So I think that is one reason why I have become obsessive over finding this butter dish, as silly as it may seem.  It is something tangible that I know exists.  It is something I can eventually find.  Unlike the goal of finding full acceptance, something that I know I can strive for every day, with my full heart and efforts, and yet still not fully achieve.

I don’t know what I’ll do when I one day find that clear, glass butter dish with a handle.  I think that there will be a moment of joy, a sense of mission-completed.  But I know that there will also probably be a sense of sorrow, knowing that my mission will never really be complete.

So tell me, silly or serious, what is your thing?


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