Feeling the need to brag a little
Do you ever have those moments where you look at where you are in life and say to yourself, “Yep, made the right decision about that one!”? That has been my sentiment for the past few days. Looking at my husband I can’t help but think, “Wow I married well!”
Let me brag a little bit about what an amazing husband I have.
Saturday was the Church of Mary Magdalene/Mary’s Place annual Easter Egg Hunt! For the third year in a row we were blessed with great weather and lots of kids – some from Mary’s Place, others from the community. All of the baskets and stuffed Easter eggs were donated by a wonderful MOPs group. It couldn’t have been a more perfect day. My husband had the rarest of all rare treats, a Saturday off. And how did he chose to spend it? Helping me hide 1500 eggs and pass out pastel Easter buckets to 20 kids (and about 20 kids-at-heart). He helped the whole day, making sure every kid got their fill of candy, everyone felt included, and walking behind us all picking up trash and keeping our supplies together.
Then, over the course of the weekend, I developed the Death Plague From Hell. Let me tell you about how I almost NEVER get sick. Or about how I have only taken 2 sick days in my ENTIRE life. Seriously, I don’t do sick. Except for the last four days, I have had a bouncing fever, severe headaches, a cough that sounds like I’m hacking up a lung and extreme fatigue. So what does my awesome hubby do? He waits on me hand and foot. He has made every meal, cleaned the house so I could at least be sick in a clean house, filed the taxes, worked in the yard, taken care of the dogs, run to the store for every little thing I’ve needed, reminded to take my temp and when to take some more ibuprofen, rubbed my back, listen to me whine about how much it sucks to be sick, and even brought me a treat – chocolate! He has been so stellar this weekend – taking care of me and doing everything in his power to make me feel better. Nothing like feeling like crap to make you realize what an awesome husband you have! 
That feeling of knowing that your favorite guy will always be there to support you in what you love to do, and will be there to take care of you when you can’t take care of yourself – that is what marriage is all about. Yeah, I married well.
Signs that you are getting old…
Let me set the scene. I’m sitting on the couch with my hubby, watching The Voice. Its only 9 o’clock, but I’m already in my PJs. Kris is on the other end of the couch, Googling hairband songs. Some band comes on as the special music for The Voice, Gym Class Heros? Raise your hand if you’ve heard of them…….*crickets* Yeah, me either.
“Who in the world are these people? I’ve never even heard of them.” ~me
“How am I supposed to know?” ~Kris
“And WHAT in the world is she wearing? Seriously,. that can’t be comfortable!” ~me
A commercial comes on and I mute the TV, cause that’s how we do ’round here. Kris starts playing clips from Hair: The Greatest Hits.
“How do I not have this album?” ~Kris
“WHAT ABOUT LOVE!?” ~both of us in unison.
Yeah, we may be old, but we are still awesome.
What’s in a name anyway?
It has yet to stop amazing me how passionate people are about their ideas surrounding marriage. And how, for the most part, they are totally willing to share. Without even being asked. So kind.
One of the ideals of marriage that I have found to be most divisive has been that of taking the husband’s name. People from both sides of the argument have been shocked to find that I don’t necessarily agree with them. Or worse, assume that I did agree with them.
When Kris and I first started talking about getting married, I knew that the decision of what to do about last names would be one that would take a lot of thought, prayer and discussion. And that is exactly how we arrived at the decision we did. It is not a decision I made alone, because I am not the only person in this partnership. While I can completely understand and support a woman’s decision to keep her maiden name, I will never understand a woman who makes that decision without ever consulting her future partner. In all things, there has to be true discussion, and possible compromise. In the same token, I will never understand or support a man who demands that a woman take his last name. It is a ridiculous demand. So I appreciated Kris when he first approached me about the subject. There were no demands, no expectations. Just a genuine desire to reach a decision we would both be fully happy with. That, right there, sums up why I love him.
So I decided to take his name. And keep my own. But not to hyphenate. And though it will forever confound people and paperwork alike why I have two middle names, one of which is my maiden name, but have no hyphen, I am completely at peace with my decision. For many of the same reasons that were brought up in the comment section of the survey, here are my reasons:
1. It was important to Kris. There was nothing macho in him having a desire for me to take his name. He was not trying to control or own me in any way. It was just simply important that he share the same last name as his wife.
2. About a month before the wedding, an old friend and neighbor of mine happened to be in Seattle. We were catching up over dinner, sharing stories of where life had led us. Inevitably, we started talking about the wedding, and I asked her if she would mind sharing the reasons she had kept her name after she married. She told me that she had kept her name, a very plain and common last name, because by the time she got married, she had published many articles and professionally it made sense to keep her name. That was 5 years ago. Six months ago she had a baby. Who, judging by the pictures, is just as cute as can be. Little baby girl, who has a beautiful, and slightly unique first name, took her daddy’s last name. My friend said, “One day I took the baby to work. And my co-worker asked if I had meant to name my baby after a famous singer. At first I didn’t understand. But then realized that they assumed she had my last name, which indeed would be the name of this singer. That is when first realized how hard it would be the rest of my life to have a name different than my child and my husband.” So, she told me, she was in the process of legally changing her last name to that of her husband’s. While she would still publish under her maiden name, it was important to share that family name.
And it is important to me to share the family name. But I realized that it also meant that I wasn’t willing to give up my family name either. I was so happy to be welcoming in, and to be welcomed in, by my new family. And I am happy to now share a name with them. But I did not want to lose that connection, by name, to my own family. So I kept both. I considered dropping my middle name, as many women do, to have my maiden name become my middle name. But that in itself is a denial of who I am. I always have been, and always will be, Elizabeth Anne. It is my mother’s name. And a name that was pieced together from grandmothers and great-aunts before me. I was not willing to give that up.
So I am now all of those names.
3. But without the hyphen. While we considered it shortly, it was not an avenue I wanted to take. It seems complicated, and leads to only lengthend names as generations progress. So, no hyphen. Two middle names. One last name.
4. Kris’ last name is cool. Had it been lame, we would never be having this discussion. (just kidding, kinda). Also, I sound very Scottish now, which is fun.
All that being said, there is something that is very important in my new name. While I am now officially a Mrs., I am not a Mrs. Kris. I made it very clear that at my wedding, whenever we were introduced, we were either to be announced as Mr. and Mrs. Kris and Liz Lastnamehere or just Mr. and Mrs. Lastnamehere. I am not my husband. Wouldn’t it be ridiculous if I were to introduce Kris as “Mr. Liz lastnamehere”? Yes. Yes it would.
So, there you have it. My reasons behind my new name. These are my reasons alone, I totally respect those who make decisions otherwise.
Survey
If anyone out there is still reading, I have a question.
Why did or didn’t you change your name when you got married?
Or, if you aren’t married, what do you think about changing or not changing your name?
I guess this is a question for the ladies mostly, but guys, feel free to chime in on why it is or isn’t important for your wife to change her name.
I have heard a lot of interesting comments over my decision to change my last name after getting married. There were some assumptions from people (from both sides of the argument) about why I did. And I’ll share my reasons later, but for now, I’m curious what y’all think.
My idea of heaven
An afternoon in the yard with the dogs, the sun shining through the trees, a cool breeze.
A delicious home cooked meal prepared by my wonderful husband. Pan seared talapia, sauteed spinach and roasted paprika potatoes.
Our favorite game, Scrabble.
A glass of wine at dusk.
Browsing through a favorite used book store, in search of treasures.
Ice cream in our favorite flavors to close out the night.
